After listening to Tim Bowden telling unbelievably funny stories of incidents on his travels, I decided to add a few anecdotes of my own (you can learn more about Tim Bowden by following this link).
Cloncurry 1947 - Every Tuesday at 5 am Mick Harris (taxi driver/cook etc) would wake me up at the Post Office Hotel and tell me breakfast was ready - two hard-boiled eggs, toast and a mug of tea. We then went to the Post Office, collected mail and picked up the odd passenger for the Gulf run using a Fox Moth aircraft. After starting the aircraft, passenger and mail loaded, I would taxi down the long runway, swing into wind and after run up commence my take off. Passengers in enclosed cabin in front and me with helmet and goggles in rear outside cockpit. Once airborne and flying low along the runway, I could see Mick Harris standing beside the runway so I would hold the aircraft down and skim low over his head while Mick would shake his fist and say to a bystander: ""That bastard will kill me one day!""
We were at Brunette Downs in the Northern Territory with an airport inspector talking to Eric Barnes, the manager of Brunette Downs. ""You know, Eric, to make this airport legal you should move the homestead''. The homestead was about 100 years old and encroached on the runway clearances.
At Cloncurry we had a colourful agent called Charlie de Warren and when Charlie met the aircraft and started to recite T.S Elliot poems, you knew Charlie had been on the grog. One day while standing in the shade of the DC3 wing, the large hostess came over to Charlie and said to him: ""I want clean glasses, the bin emptied, hot tea and water and the passenger cabin cleaned.'' Charlie without moving said to me: ""How would you like that big heifer to fart in your last half-pound of flour.''
TAA correspondence from Brisbane office always had copies to the traffic manager, catering manager, airport manager, service route captain etc and when Charlie replied he always finished up with ""and copies to no one''.
At Camooweal one of our bright pilots clipped his aircraft wing into the refuel shed. When hauled up by his chief, he produced a horoscope for that day which stated it would be a black day and not to take chances!
When I was manager Mackay (l965) the staff at the airport said "Looney Tunes is on today'', meaning the captain of the incoming aircraft. When queried it turned out to be a captain who sang continually out of tune.
At Brampton Island one Saturday afternoon, the manager was riding his motor scooter up to his donga to have a siesta. Unknown to him, the kitchen staff had hit one of the resort's emus with a piece of 4 by 2 for intruding into the resort kitchen and it fled in an angry manner. The first person it spied was the resort manager on his scooter and immediately charged him ,knocking him off his chariot. While the manager was grabbing a shot gun to eliminate the emu, the angry bird fled to freedom in the surrounding bush.
At Brampton they run a small train between the resort and the jetty to carry visiting guests back to their waiting Roylen Cruise ship. A final announcement was made at 11 pm sharp and the train started off with everyone on board except the driver Winkle who was still in the bar. When he was alerted, he ran out and chased the train gradually making up ground while the train passengers yelled out encouragement. Little did they know the train did not have a driver to stop it at the jetty. Fortunately Winkle caught the train about a third along the journey and regained control of it. Some well meaning passenger had pressed the GO button without realising the consequences.
Prior to landing at Normanton on the Gulf run, the loader came up and told me that the large goanna loaded at Burketown had got out of the box it was in. When we landed at Normanton, we told two Aboriginal passengers they had to catch this goanna. They reluctantly jumped into the rear locker with an almighty yell and after a great racket in the locker the large goanna emerged full speed and headed for the nearby bush.
At Burketown we had a local fisherman who used to give the aircraft crew a couple of barramundi for home consumption. He told me of a recent boat trip when a 10-foot crocodile came dangerously close to the back of his boat. He immediately smashed an axe into its head and it relocated with axe still embedded. They say every problem has an answer.
At Boulia the local hotel keeper refused credit to a team driver who was departing town. The team driver quietly hooked up his horsetrain to the hotel front veranda posts and suggested if he did not get his bottle of rum he would pull the pub down.
On a very hot night at Windorah where we stopped over, the trainee first officer came and told me that the chickens we had in boxes would be lucky to survive. So I said: ""Open all the louvres in the terminal and let them all run free in there.'' Next morning when we came to box them in again, we were unaware they were all boxed in sexes. As a result that year in the Channel Country chooks were laying eggs and others crowing where they should have been laying eggs. ""A phase of the moon,'' said the country people until they heard of the overnight at Windorah.